I am a 29-year-old (not a fresh, newfound, accidentally tell you I’m 28 when you first ask me because it’s a new number to my daily vocabulary; I’m seasoned and on my way out), recovering from a mini-quarter life crisis. Like many millions of people, I get my dose of daily mindless entertainment from YouTube, Facebook and The gram. While watching, I came to the realization that I wanted to be a better version of myself (although much of that was driven from envy and jealousy, well initially at least). Don’t we all say that? I wanted to stop being the person who watched everyone else being (seemingly) fearless on social media, and LIVE.
for me means recognizing the talents and gifts I have & sharing them with others, getting my dreams out of my head and breathing life into them by writing them down, speaking to others about what I am doing without being shameful and feeling inferior, and loving Ashley.
Today I birth BPUM, Brown Privileged Underprivileged Millennial. I have also tapped into the very thing that once caused me to feel depressed and worthless, social media. It feels like I’m the new kid on the first day of school wearing a neon romper with a head full of ponytails adorned with barrettes and hair bows- in high school.
I’m sitting with my feelings of anxiousness and inferiority, challenging myself to celebrate what I’m doing- hell, people who are doing far less have no problem sharing their negativity and nothingness as it’s celebrated, validating and re-posted by other people doing… NOTHING.
Here I go, about to press publish on my first post, ready for this journey. I’ve contemplated, told myself I was doing nothing worthy of blogging, shut it down. Dreamed vividly, rose in the morning reminding myself that I couldn’t and kept living. Daydreamed, then smothered my joy with doubt. No more will I be my own crutch, at least not today. Today I post.