A fresh 30 year old’s letter to her 20-something self

Ashley, young, glorious, courageous, curious child
You have grown
Grown into a confident, honest, humble, vulnerable being
Twenties were fun, spontaneous, reckless, painful, disappointing and full of meaningful experiences
You made it and now stand on the other side, reflective and grateful
You’ve learned patience, understanding, compassion, love and how to walk away
You’ve experienced heartbreak, shame, sorrow and forgiveness
Been uncertain about who you were and your worth
Allowed others to define you
That doesn’t work so well young dreamer
We partied, Patron your equivalent to water
Walgreen, your MAC counter
Foundation never matching quite right
Eye shadow reminiscent of a Halloween costume
Thank God for YouTube, minimalism and your late twenties
More shots than we can recall
We worshipped the porcelain God, visited the throne faithfully
Paid tithes of vomit like a committed member
Lived with no regret
Regret but you convinced yourself that it was all a part of the journey
Love
Damn you loved
The idiots, the abusers, the promiser, the leech, the jerk, the prince charming, the ones you didn’t deserve
The one who saw more in you than you saw in yourself-swallowing the lump of guilt
You love hard young romantic
Love was painful, a high you constantly longed for, sat in, fought for and went chasing again
Love, the drug of choice
Breaking hearts and collecting pain to carry along and savor later
Your badge, young sweet savage
Your worked hard V-tine
Graduated from undergrad after a few academic probation threats
Worked twenty-’leven job
Quit ‘em all
But you’re a millennial-it’s normal
Now you thirst for more knowledge and seem to be on a path of fa eva’ schooling
Your dreams are being painted into existence young genius
You were fire
Tongue a torch
Attitude of a young diva
That was a lot of work huh?
Apologizing after reflection sucks
But the cloud moving from overhead, revealing the warmth of the sun absorbs well
You were generous
Giving
Giving every piece of you until you were left with fragments of what you wanted to be
Selfless fool
Honesty
Honest, your strongest attribute
You wave it like a white flag
Warm water to wash away the damage
You’ve grown so much, yet still stand in between doorways trying to figure out what next look likes
Waiting for signs
Signs you struggle to identify and listen to
30-year-old Ashley hugs you
Deeply
Embracing all of you
Loving the pieces of you, you hated
Loving the wounds you licked in the dark, hiding from the world
Loving the hurt you sang and hummed away
Smiling as we recall inside jokes
Grinning when we look at old pictures
Cheering when we win
The glorious twenties, led us here
We have traveled
Fell in love with exploration and thirst for the next adventure
We have taken the road less traveled
We have committed to being true to Ashley and living intentionally

We have sat in quiet spaces and listened to the soul speak

You will forever be a part of what makes me Ashley
The twenties were lived, exploited and enjoyed to the fullest
I rest a kiss on your forehead and walk into 30 ready for the next chapter
Appreciating and never forgetting the many lessons we’ve learned
Good-bye twenty-something

We had an amazing run kid

You will forever be a piece of who I am

One thought on “A fresh 30 year old’s letter to her 20-something self

  1. We aim for 40 year-old V-tine to write less of idiots and abusers and more of love and adventure. A very sensible reflection.
    Happy birthday! *hugs*

    Like

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