Appreciation is the word of the week

Appreciation is the word of the week

Good morning! A spirit of gratitude and appreciation has been brewing in my soul as of late.  As I continue to make my best attempt at balancing school, tutoring, dreaming big and being awesome, along with all of the demands of taking on a job with the University; I am often succumbed to emotions of doubt, confusion and defeat. While grinding and giving each project my all, there are often setbacks that seem to always arise.  Hurdles that include cancelled tutoring sessions, school tasks that often take up a significant amount of time, assessments that cost more than my earnings bi-weekly, study sessions that require my attention and precious students who are discouraged and need my heavy lifting. I often feel like my energy and spirit are drained at the end of a day and I take a bucket of discouragement home to dump on my kitchen table.  A warm bed seems like the perfect place to lay down my burdens. But my brain goes into overdrive, replaying what I could’ve done better. It is my nagging calendar reminder, preventing me from actually sleeping and is the gasoline to the fire of anxiety that swells. Immediately after picking up mail from the post office this week, a car backed into my bumper causing minor cosmetic damage to the car.  The beloved Honda Accord now has Milwaukee war scars ‒ well more scars if I include the damage from babealicious plowing into a snow bank a few winters past. The driver of the other vehicle frantically walked up to my weeping Honda and began to spew her sob story.  What I quickly deduced was that this woman was stressed, overwhelmed, upset and slightly irrational. As I exited my vehicle to assess the damage, I peered into hers and saw two beautiful brown children, with fright all over their faces.  Her rapid fire yelling, turned into a muted whisper as my mind contemplated the emotions of these terrified babies. If you ever want to break me down, bring me a child or a puppy, YOU WIN. Before I could collect any of her information (she carried no insurance, the car had no plates, she had no license.  What info she was going to produce is still unknown to me) she'd ran to her get away chariot, jumped a curb as sparks flew from the underbody of her gloriously shitty Avalon and sped off! In shock I did the only thing a rational person in my situation would do. I stood there on the corner of Center and Teutonia and cried.  The Honda and I collectively wept. [...]

Shaking off the funk: Ashley we are not a princess

Shaking off the funk: Ashley we are not a princess

I’ve concluded that the Vtine (theBpum as you know me) is a spoiled, fortunate, truly privileged young whiner!  Yes, it is true, I am one of those people who is so blessed, so favored, that when things don’t go exactly my way I crumble.  “That sounds completely insane right”, I ask with my legs crossed as I sit at my comfy kitchen table.  Drinking my $1.06 Arabian bean, partially burnt (I swear) Mcdonald’s coffee, complemented with six teaspoons of sugar and three Coffee Mate original creamers.    Being favored and loved deeply is a blessing and a curse!  It has created a little Frankenstein and the more I am favored, the more the little monster inside me feeds and grows bigger (clearly Halloween is still on the brain). [...]

Millennial “my life is hard” rant

Millennial “my life is hard” rant

Why didn’t anyone tell me life as an entrepreneur was so hard! Nobody speaks about the adversity of struggling to build a brand and a business Nobody is on Instagram with a sad face and a bank account statement with a negative balance No one is making the tough decision between going to dinner and staying home to eat the same dish you’ve been making with slight modifications for the past month. No one explained to me that the money I had saved up was actually NOT going to be considered savings once I quit a full-time job. The warmth and comfort of a full-time job is soothing. Familiar. Going to bed knowing that a check will welcome you every other Friday whether you deserve it or not is like sniffing heaven. [...]

Dreaming is the easy part

Dreaming is the easy part

Finished breakfast.  If you follow me on Instagram, you probably guessed that it was a combination of collard greens, onions, jalapeno, soy sauce and teriyaki with a side of fruit that I generally finish while in the process of slicing it.   I have pretty much enjoyed the same breakfast for the past few weeks-that is, when I’m actually in the city.  Now that breakfast is done, I am sitting in my kitchen, blessed by the sunlight that warms my tanned shoulders, back and spirit as it beams through my windows.   Jhene Aiko’s latest album, Trip is blaring through my Iphone speakers and my fingers, gleefully type away. [...]

Millennial Entrepreneurial Syndrome

Millennial Entrepreneurial Syndrome

A few weeks ago, a readers commented expressing how difficult it is for others to do what I am doing and how my message may not resonate with a broader audience.  I struggled with the comment and didn’t stop to consider the perspective.  I became defensive of my stance and couldn’t understand how she felt that way.  The stubborn narcissist within me felt like she was standing atop a mountain with a hose spewing negativity, extinguishing my flame. [...]