Appreciation is the word of the week

Appreciation is the word of the week

Good morning! A spirit of gratitude and appreciation has been brewing in my soul as of late.  As I continue to make my best attempt at balancing school, tutoring, dreaming big and being awesome, along with all of the demands of taking on a job with the University; I am often succumbed to emotions of doubt, confusion and defeat. While grinding and giving each project my all, there are often setbacks that seem to always arise.  Hurdles that include cancelled tutoring sessions, school tasks that often take up a significant amount of time, assessments that cost more than my earnings bi-weekly, study sessions that require my attention and precious students who are discouraged and need my heavy lifting. I often feel like my energy and spirit are drained at the end of a day and I take a bucket of discouragement home to dump on my kitchen table.  A warm bed seems like the perfect place to lay down my burdens. But my brain goes into overdrive, replaying what I could’ve done better. It is my nagging calendar reminder, preventing me from actually sleeping and is the gasoline to the fire of anxiety that swells. Immediately after picking up mail from the post office this week, a car backed into my bumper causing minor cosmetic damage to the car.  The beloved Honda Accord now has Milwaukee war scars ‒ well more scars if I include the damage from babealicious plowing into a snow bank a few winters past. The driver of the other vehicle frantically walked up to my weeping Honda and began to spew her sob story.  What I quickly deduced was that this woman was stressed, overwhelmed, upset and slightly irrational. As I exited my vehicle to assess the damage, I peered into hers and saw two beautiful brown children, with fright all over their faces.  Her rapid fire yelling, turned into a muted whisper as my mind contemplated the emotions of these terrified babies. If you ever want to break me down, bring me a child or a puppy, YOU WIN. Before I could collect any of her information (she carried no insurance, the car had no plates, she had no license.  What info she was going to produce is still unknown to me) she'd ran to her get away chariot, jumped a curb as sparks flew from the underbody of her gloriously shitty Avalon and sped off! In shock I did the only thing a rational person in my situation would do. I stood there on the corner of Center and Teutonia and cried.  The Honda and I collectively wept. [...]

Shaking off the funk: Ashley we are not a princess

Shaking off the funk: Ashley we are not a princess

I’ve concluded that the Vtine (theBpum as you know me) is a spoiled, fortunate, truly privileged young whiner!  Yes, it is true, I am one of those people who is so blessed, so favored, that when things don’t go exactly my way I crumble.  “That sounds completely insane right”, I ask with my legs crossed as I sit at my comfy kitchen table.  Drinking my $1.06 Arabian bean, partially burnt (I swear) Mcdonald’s coffee, complemented with six teaspoons of sugar and three Coffee Mate original creamers.    Being favored and loved deeply is a blessing and a curse!  It has created a little Frankenstein and the more I am favored, the more the little monster inside me feeds and grows bigger (clearly Halloween is still on the brain). [...]

Loved on by Black Queens in Albuquerque, New Mexico

Loved on by Black Queens in Albuquerque, New Mexico

I had the awesome opportunity to facilitate a conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico   No, I am not someone who has facilitated a conference in experiences past But I’ve done similar facilitator roles Like… teach a lesson re-teach a lesson lead a meeting train new hires using a curriculum initiate uncomfortable conversations with ex-boyfriends listen to their whack-ass arguments and use the asinine responses to build my case, come back with rapid fire, and ensure we never forgot my initial points debate with my mother, in attempt to bribe or convince her with a scheme Go back and forth, deliberating intellectually with teachers-in elementary school Yep, qualifications of a facilitator if you ask me (shoulders shrugging as my head tilts towards the right) [...]

Bullet Note booking

Bullet Note booking

Since I’ve been home I have been busy doing, honestly a lot of nothing (in my God honest opinion).  Aside from continuing to travel within the US, I have been private tutoring and struggling to finish my final year as a graduate student.  I am presently pursuing a dual Masters in Exceptional Education and Reading.  I can admit that I am struggling with my graduate studies because I'm not organized.  I struggle because I can’t juggle and am pretending to know how to with my eyes closed while balancing on a unicycle and uploading the video to my Instragram Story.  I am trying to balance

And today, I visited a small, local printing company

And today, I visited a small, local printing company

Today my work led to me traveling a bit, here in Coban with my boss.  I enjoy these moments because I get to explore parts of Coban that I wouldn’t alone.  Whenever my boss is here, I notice places and things I overlook when I’m alone.  I can let my guard down slightly. Take in my surroundings, instead of walking around more paranoid than I would like to admit. We made a few stops as we entered and exited the 10 passenger shuttle that became overtaken with supplies for the hotel.  Our last stop for the day, a small printing company. [...]

OH HAPPY DAY

OH HAPPY DAY

As I wake up and start my normal “routine” (read my last post if you want to know what this fascinating process is like) I can’t help but to stop smiling because shawty is happy (translation: Ashley Valentine feels happy and is in a happy place).  Prior to departing the US in mid June I shared with my therapist how happy I was at that time, and how I was nervous that the gleeful spirit I housed would dwindle. I was overcome with thoughts that I could be back in my self-fed and created sunken place.  It’s been more than 2 months and although I do have bad days; everything doesn’t always go my way and of course I get lonely; I am overall still happy. [...]